Computing Jokes

|By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over t...... More

|WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr 002: No Error - Yet WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch ...... More

|Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself ...... More

|They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time..... More

|It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course)..... More

|The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified government documents. X-Files would have an episode about them..... More

|Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security..... More

|They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games..... More

|Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt..... More

|Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight about seven pounds, and require you to pay shipping and handling charges..... More

|The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year..... More

|You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time..... More

|The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping..... More

|he staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree..... More

|They would immediately change the name to WatMas..... More