Religion Jokes

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the follow- ing agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to...... More

Preserving the Egg of LifeObviously, Football is a syndrome of religious rites symbolizing thestruggle to preserve the Egg of Life through the rigors of impendingwinter. The rites begin at the Autumn Equinox and culminate on thefirst day of the New Year, with great festivals identified with bowlsof plenty. The festivals are associated with flowers such as roses;fruits such as oranges; farm crops...... More

The Naming of JesusA group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua. Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that Hebrew...... More

Stress-Relieving PrayerLord,Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I cannot accept,And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those peopleI had to kill today because they pissed me off.And, help me to be carefulOf the toes I step on today as theyMay be connected to the assThat I might have to kiss tomorrow. Amen..... More

TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MANTwo nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it...... More

Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash,and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, " Save the children" The lawyer yells out "FUCK THE CHILDREN!" The priest yells out " IS THERE TIME?".... More

Two nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!" The second one says, "This one does!".... More

Whats black and white and red all over?A nun in a car accident..... More

What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil?A religious movement!.... More

Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the firstnun says, "I`ve never come this way before!" and thesecond nun says, "Oh, it must be the cobblestone!".... More

What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul.".... More

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.""Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi."I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously."Is there ...... More

"What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?""Popeye beat the shit out of him!".... More

What is white and streaks across the sky? The coming of the Lord..... More

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up inhis book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and lookedit up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, Iwill show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. Theywalked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with alls...... More